Simply talking : I really want to cry.
Reason? Funny thing is that I don't know. Maybe you call this somewhat a desperation out of nowhere or maybe something that supposedly should've happened in the past. I've been wanting for this thing to happen for months now but it can't happen no matter what. I've listened to sad song, watched sad movies, thinking about sad thinks, reading sad stories, even imagining sad-oriented things. I am going crazy in someway. YES! Crazy.
I've been stressing quite a lot this past months. It's a whole new environment, new city, new friend, and new style of learning something. I won't complain but as you may now learning something new ain't easy. Hardly to say arch in UNPAR is quite stressing especially all the creativity that have to be ready for tests all the time, the take-home tasks that is some much that it can be pilled up so high it'll make you puke and the fun part of it,is that everyday a different tasks need to be submitted and new tasks comes. It is like when you go to some delicious junk food's drive's thru, you pay and then you get your orders. Well slash the fun part. You may think that i'm such a wimp for wanting to cry over merely a school tasks. Yeah I feel that to, but it is such a torture even for myself to be a perfectionist. I want, no slash that, I need perfection. It somewhat makes me happy and calm to have that secure in my hands.
Lately there are more thing that i've been worrying but then it becomes something that stressed quite the hell out of me. The lucky problem goes to communication. This communication problems goes to my family and friends, and yeah well BF. I hate to admit it but for yours truly, I not that kinda person who maintain communication well. If i'm not close to someone psychologically like best-friends, i would be rarely contacting except if I am near you psychically and family is excluded from this matter. I am bad at maintaining love relationship, I didn't quite like the concept of being tangled by the feeling of "must"s and "have to"s in a this communication business especially if i have things to be stressed about. And as you may all know, this love relationship have those "must"s and "have-to"s then it become quite burdensome; because you don't give enough attention like trying to communicate that relationship becomes blunt or should i say lost it sugar and salt. it is kinda wrong too, to say that the relationship is mature enough to stay still without any or rare communication. It is a total rubbish. I felt a lot of guilt cause of it.
Maybe that is all that make me want to cry. Maybe my tears are expired now since it should have been shed may days or weeks ago. Many may say that a man needs his power or strength but a woman needs her time to cry. I need to cry and I want to. Reasons? maybe to let away this stuffy feelings that i have been feeling quite some time now. This heavy feeling, I want to let it go. I need too.
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